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Tweet the Classics

105 RESPONSES | posted by JenaNotJameson 8 months ago | Creative Challenges

They say our attention spans are decreasing, what with all them Internets and Grand Theft Autos and rock ‘n’ roll. To hear grandma tell it, if we want anyone to take in the classics in the future, we’ll have to add guns and video montages and definitely cut everything down to a digestible radio edit. So, before they are lost to the ages, let’s rewrite all of the great works of literature, science, and philosophy to conform to our new Twitter-driven attention spans. Here are three in 140 characters or less:

MOBY DICK: Call me Ishmael. On the whale ship Pequod, commanded by Captain Ahab. A man’s quest. I over-describe whales. (H. Melville 1851)

PRINCIPIA: Laws of motion, law of universal gravitation, motion of the planets, no alchemy, calculus. Sorry math students! (Newton 1687)

PREAMBLE TO THE CONSTITUTION: We the people for good union, justice, to be happy, safe, free, we make this constitution now. Suck it U.K.

Write your Tweet of a Classic. Remember: 140 characters or less.

Image Source:: http://www.soulpancake.com/people/plasticflora

About the author

Jena Axelrod (JenaNotJameson) NYC

clown pov, frequently accidentally offensive. Sorry in advance. when you touch me with a compliment, i get shy and forget to say "thank you" so just in case: thank you in...more

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Purrrsephone

- 4 months ago

Napoleon invades Russia; five Russian families in the aristocracy deal with the consequences. This shit goes on forever.

Tolstoy's War and Peace...and with 20 characters to spare, no less! :D

gracysaurus

- 5 months ago

Othello: Passion overbears.

DanielPotashov

- 5 months ago

A quote from a Lemony Snicket book: Not only am I very intelligent, but I'm also very smart.

DanielPotashov

- 5 months ago

i do not care much for twitter. it doesn't allow for large bursts of information. what can one type in one hundred forty characters or less?

what i just typed above me is 140 characters.

lolashleysays

- 7 months ago

Little Women - four sisters+Laurie. Laurie loves Jo, Jo leaves. Sisters grow up. Jo marries German. Laurie marries sister. Miss their youth.

earlgreytwig

- 7 months ago

The Count of Monte Cristo: With enough money, influence, and charm, you too can undercut you enemies, slowly driving them to insanity.

AbyssOfThought

- 7 months ago

Home along knock at the door. no one there. zat a bird? wtf did it say? Reminds me of my dead wife. gtfo bird! I just died. fuck.

northstop

- 7 months ago in reply to erfinney

@erfinney Fountainhead: Don't fool around with the hired help. Don't change my plans. I am what I am.

erfinney

- 7 months ago in reply to northstop

@northstop
Fountain Head: My red hair, and hot body makes you jealous, but i dont give a flying f***.

anarchyxxcrayons

- 7 months ago

The Tempest: I'm on a boat, mothafucka, don't you ever forget it.

Beeda

- 7 months ago

Sense and Sensibility: Dad dies. Brother's fam = greedy. El loves Ed. New Home. Annoying neighbors. MA loves Will. CB loves MA. Ed + Lucy. Will = Pig. CB + MA. Ed + El. Happily Ever After. End.

Picture of Dorian Grey: Homoerotic tension. Portrait painted = Dorian. Artist loves Dorian. Dorian = obsessed with portrait. Portrait destroys Dorian. Dorian kills self. End.

Requiem For a Dream: Drugs are bad, mmmmkayy?

Beeda

- 7 months ago in reply to JoshJack

@JoshJack Hahahahahaha

northstop

- 7 months ago

Atlas Shrugged: Where did all these lazy asses come from? Where did the workers go?
Fountainhead: It's your thing...do what you want to do.

northstop

- 7 months ago

Gone with the Wind: Watch out for the war, learn a craft,and marry the fop and you won't get cool guy.

northstop

- 7 months ago

The Sun Also Rises: Isn't Paris great? Let's get drunk, fish and watch bull fights because my balls are broken.

northstop

- 7 months ago

Three Musketeers: Watch out for the Cardinal and look for a fourth guy.

AlyxCyr

- 7 months ago

Old Man and the Sea: Old man catches a big fish in the sea. Sharks eat it.

devdreamsmoonbeams

- 7 months ago

A Separate Piece: Teen boys, prep school, friendship, rivalry, war, crazies, death, reminisce. ..Idiots.

Youth In Revolt: Teen, lakeside trailerpark summer, puppylove, manipulative bitch, rebellion, split personality, needs to get laid; laid.

I Never Promised You A Rose Garden: Crazy girl. Lives in a world in her head. Don't trust shrinks.

northstop

- 7 months ago

My Sinclair Lewis Section:
Elmer Gantry: Religion is a sham. God loves a hustler.
Babbitt: Most people are full of crap; and so am I..
Dodsworth: Money makes some women crazy. Get a new wife.
Main Street: Small towns suck. Don't marry the first guy that asks you.
Arrowsmith: Medicine sucks. Keep your wife at home.
The Job: Men are pigs, no matter what you do, you're still screwed.
Gideon Planish: See Elmer Gantry

northstop

- 7 months ago

East of Eden: Stay away from crazy women.

nerodha

- 7 months ago

WALDEN: Built a little cabin by Walden Pond, planted some beans and cultivated deep thoughts about nature, society, and how we could live wiser lives. (Henry David Thoreau, 1854)

omgilykatie8

- 7 months ago

ham on rye (charles bukowski): story from age three to 23= only the weak, dumb, forsaken, and evil want anything to do with him. oh, henry chinaski. the poor bastard.

omgilykatie8

- 7 months ago

post office (charles bukowski): deliver mail in rain, wish you were not a mail man, quit delivering mail, get another job at post office, wish you were not doing that, 15 years later quit to drink, gamble, fuck, and write.

lissalo13

- 7 months ago

Lord of the Flies: Ralph is in charge, Piggy is a nerd, Jack is a jerk, Simon is sweet, Samneric are twins. Impaled sows are lords here.

alexonbass

- 7 months ago

THE DEPARTED: Cop becomes criminal. Criminal becomes cop. Everybody is Irish. Mark E Mark gets last laugh.

KateWest

- 7 months ago

TALE OF TWO CITIES: Redeem your sorry life. Replace your lookalike in death. Win your love's heart. Avoid Madame Defarge. Try to look poor.

shinymasochism

- 7 months ago

Portrait of Dorian Grey I'M BEAUTIFUL! I'm going to age! Fuck that, lets sell my soul to the devil, become horribly evil, and look beautiful forever!

count of monte cristo: revenge! revenge! revenge! find a son figure, help the son figure. find love. ride off into the sun set.

iWatch_TV

- 7 months ago

Wuthering Heights: Boy meets girl, girl hurts boy, boy spends rest of his life trying to destroy everyone and their children

kaleybrennan

- 7 months ago

Mario: Man in funny clothes runs through a sewer to fight a huge turtle that is guarding a princess. Finally gets to her, and gets a cake.

englesgotdababbles

- 7 months ago

Grapes of Wrath: Life SUCKS! & then you breast feed and old man in a barn during a major flood.

englesgotdababbles

- 7 months ago

Macbeth: Fair is foul and foul is fair.Don't trust the witches or kill your buddies.Accept your fate you SOB or you'll get your head sliced.

englesgotdababbles

- 7 months ago

Scarlet Letter: Adultery. Crazy love story. Cool little girl. 10page descriptions about forests.

quietyourself

- 7 months ago

The Old Man and the Sea: Here's an old fisherman. There's a HUGE marlin. Them are some hungry sharks. Major disappointment. (Hemingway)

Elizabelibby

- 7 months ago

La Dolce Vita: Paparazzi, Banal, Timeless, Now

jared531

- 7 months ago

Shawshank Redemption: Innocent man in jail. Befriends inmate, collects rocks, crunches numbers. Digs hole and escapes through poop tunnel.

hwamajean

- 7 months ago

Pride and Prejudice: First she dislike him, then detested him, then hated him, then fell for him. But his heart stay the same.

jmunyon

- 7 months ago

Where The Red Fern Grows: Boy wants dog. Boy gets dogs. Dogs are great at hunting. Dogs die. Boy is sad. Red fern grows on dog grave.

Hananah

- 7 months ago

Crime and Punishment: Considering murder to impress people? Only 7 yrs as punishment for 2x homicide and you're good to go! (Dostoevsky 1866)

celerity19

- 7 months ago

Hamlet (Shakespeare): To be, or not to be? That's a damn good question that takes four acts to ponder...it's Act V? Gertrude's dead? Now!

mspebbles73

- 7 months ago

Tweet the Classics

Write your Tweet of a Classic. Remember: 140 characters or less.

About the author

Jena Axelrod (JenaNotJameson) NYC

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Napoleon invades Russia; five Russian families in the aristocracy deal with the consequences. This shit goes on forever.Tolstoy's War and Peace...and with 20 characters to spare, no less! :D

Othello: Passion overbears.

A quote from a Lemony Snicket book: Not only am I very intelligent, but I'm also very smart.

i do not care much for twitter. it doesn't allow for large bursts of information. what can one type in one hundred forty characters or less?what i just typed above me is 140 characters.

Little Women - four sisters+Laurie. Laurie loves Jo, Jo leaves. Sisters grow up. Jo marries German. Laurie marries sister. Miss their youth.

The Count of Monte Cristo: With enough money, influence, and charm, you too can undercut you enemies, slowly driving them to insanity.

Home along knock at the door. no one there. zat a bird? wtf did it say? Reminds me of my dead wife. gtfo bird! I just died. fuck.

@erfinney Fountainhead: Don't fool around with the hired help. Don't change my plans. I am what I am.

@northstop Fountain Head: My red hair, and hot body makes you jealous, but i dont give a flying f***.

The Tempest: I'm on a boat, mothafucka, don't you ever forget it.

@JoshJack Hahahahahaha

Atlas Shrugged: Where did all these lazy asses come from? Where did the workers go?Fountainhead: It's your thing...do what you want to do.

Gone with the Wind: Watch out for the war, learn a craft,and marry the fop and you won't get cool guy.

The Sun Also Rises: Isn't Paris great? Let's get drunk, fish and watch bull fights because my balls are broken.

Three Musketeers: Watch out for the Cardinal and look for a fourth guy.

Old Man and the Sea: Old man catches a big fish in the sea. Sharks eat it.

East of Eden: Stay away from crazy women.

WALDEN: Built a little cabin by Walden Pond, planted some beans and cultivated deep thoughts about nature, society, and how we could live wiser lives. (Henry David Thoreau, 1854)

ham on rye (charles bukowski): story from age three to 23= only the weak, dumb, forsaken, and evil want anything to do with him. oh, henry chinaski. the poor bastard.

post office (charles bukowski): deliver mail in rain, wish you were not a mail man, quit delivering mail, get another job at post office, wish you were not doing that, 15 years later quit to drink, gamble, fuck, and write.

Lord of the Flies: Ralph is in charge, Piggy is a nerd, Jack is a jerk, Simon is sweet, Samneric are twins. Impaled sows are lords here.

THE DEPARTED: Cop becomes criminal. Criminal becomes cop. Everybody is Irish. Mark E Mark gets last laugh.

TALE OF TWO CITIES: Redeem your sorry life. Replace your lookalike in death. Win your love's heart. Avoid Madame Defarge. Try to look poor.

Portrait of Dorian Grey I'M BEAUTIFUL! I'm going to age! Fuck that, lets sell my soul to the devil, become horribly evil, and look beautiful forever! count of monte cristo: revenge! revenge! revenge! find a son figure, help the son figure. find love. ride off into the sun set.

Wuthering Heights: Boy meets girl, girl hurts boy, boy spends rest of his life trying to destroy everyone and their children

Mario: Man in funny clothes runs through a sewer to fight a huge turtle that is guarding a princess. Finally gets to her, and gets a cake.

Grapes of Wrath: Life SUCKS! & then you breast feed and old man in a barn during a major flood.

Macbeth: Fair is foul and foul is fair.Don't trust the witches or kill your buddies.Accept your fate you SOB or you'll get your head sliced.

Scarlet Letter: Adultery. Crazy love story. Cool little girl. 10page descriptions about forests.

The Old Man and the Sea: Here's an old fisherman. There's a HUGE marlin. Them are some hungry sharks. Major disappointment. (Hemingway)

La Dolce Vita: Paparazzi, Banal, Timeless, Now

Shawshank Redemption: Innocent man in jail. Befriends inmate, collects rocks, crunches numbers. Digs hole and escapes through poop tunnel.

Pride and Prejudice: First she dislike him, then detested him, then hated him, then fell for him. But his heart stay the same.

Where The Red Fern Grows: Boy wants dog. Boy gets dogs. Dogs are great at hunting. Dogs die. Boy is sad. Red fern grows on dog grave.

Crime and Punishment: Considering murder to impress people? Only 7 yrs as punishment for 2x homicide and you're good to go! (Dostoevsky 1866)

Hamlet (Shakespeare): To be, or not to be? That's a damn good question that takes four acts to ponder...it's Act V? Gertrude's dead? Now!

Animal Farm: Humans abuse animals. Animals fight and take over. Pigs abuse animals. Pigs mix with humans. Animals can't tell pigs from humans.

Recent SP Exclusives

Napoleon invades Russia; five Russian families in the aristocracy deal with the consequences. This shit goes on forever.

Tolstoy's War and Peace...and with 20 characters to spare, no less! :D

i do not care much for twitter. it doesn't allow for large bursts of information. what can one type in one hundred forty characters or less?

what i just typed above me is 140 characters.

@northstop
Fountain Head: My red hair, and hot body makes you jealous, but i dont give a flying f***.

Atlas Shrugged: Where did all these lazy asses come from? Where did the workers go?
Fountainhead: It's your thing...do what you want to do.

Portrait of Dorian Grey I'M BEAUTIFUL! I'm going to age! Fuck that, lets sell my soul to the devil, become horribly evil, and look beautiful forever!

count of monte cristo: revenge! revenge! revenge! find a son figure, help the son figure. find love. ride off into the sun set.

Animal Farm:

Humans abuse animals. Animals fight and take over. Pigs abuse animals. Pigs mix with humans. Animals can't tell pigs from humans.