SoulPancake

I think it'd bring us closer together. But I know when people ask me, "How are you?" I usually just say "Fine." I know that if I said a long response they'd be freaked out because often people just ask as a form of being polite.

I'm off tonight to see the Ricky Gervais film "The invention of lying".
that may well give me a few laughs and a new angle on this question...

Anyway....again my laptop thought I was done typing when I wasn't.

I think we should be courageous enough to be honest with each other. I do think it would make us closer.

This is something that gets discussed in my circle a lot. And I'm going to give a hypocritical answer....but at least I'm going to be honest.

I want people to be honest with me when I ask them how they're doing. I want my friends to tell me if something is up (good or bad) so I can either be happy with them or grieve with them. Stand by them in support or help pick them up off the ground.

However.....when someone asks me how I'm doing I don't really want to tell them. Sometimes I think it's none of their business. @musicaltourrette can vouch for me on this. She hates it more than anyone I know.

I would prefer honesty. I think if everone was open to it, we could understand eachother much better. If we all just expressed our feelings openly I think things would be simpler. The only problem is that in most cases, the person asking doesn't really care about how the other person is because it's just a formality.

people may not understand this ..
but in the moment you ask them, " How are you?"* they say just fine, thanks for asking ... maybe .. in that here and now the one moment they are fine... maybe its not so good to bring up all the old stuff from last week or yesterday.. or last few Minute... is it doing a person any good to talk about what is hurting them ....
that thought keeps rolling around in their head and they just can not let it go...
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@MementoMori but not just to you... (or AT you)

Isn't the issue that we have developed this greeting (and it is in many many cultures, not just the English speaking world) as a form of greeting that is not supposed to be taken literally...I think we should all be able to accept it as such.

We could of course greet as some other cultures do, silently
- I kind of like the idea of the two Buddhist monks who, after seeing each other on the path, even for the first time in ten years, just smile and nod without a word...

If I greet you with "HI, how are you?" and you say, "...well actually, terrible, I had a long period of chronic fatigue since I last saw you and then also a cold and some periods of really low mood".
that pretty much makes me not to want to talk to you because you have hijacked the convention on greetings and moved it straight into the kind of (one sided) conversation reserved for close confidantes or counselors...

@MLZellers ...also depends on the culture. I have lived and worked on three continents, in many countries and in several international settings. In many places "greetings" are very important and last ten to fifteen minutes. It is common to bump into your eighth grade math teacher, who you haven't seen in over a decade, and his answer to "how are you" will start off something like: "I have been constipated for the past three days and my car broke down but by grandmother is coming to visit next Thursday and she makes amazing cakes......"

This occurs in societies where relationships are more important than things and people actually take time for each other.

I am taking a chinese 101 class and we're learning basic conversation starters.
Although Ni hao asks how do you do, the only answer in response to it is : hao (fine/good/okay). I asked my professor if we could learn more and he said..."well, you could say you are doing really well..: hen hao?.." When I asked well what if you aren't doing so well, he responded by saying WHY would you want to tell that to others? It'd bother them. We don't say it.

So in response to your question: I feel that the best conversations revolve around actively listening to peoples honest responses. I can't tell you how many times I hear:
Hey, how are you? and "good or great" is all that is said before those two people walk instantly away from one another. I prefer to just say hi, or better yet just wave to people instead of starting something that appears to be meaningful only to later turn into a superficial greeting.
It's like we have no time....to actually stop and listen anymore.
Where has our time gone?

The phrase "How are you?" is just a common courtesy. People aren't expecting an actual answer. If we gave them one, they'd probably just go complain about how we whine too much and how we should carry our own worlds on our own shoulders.