Deep Throat vs. Deep Thought
Thursday, November 5, 2009 - FEATURES
[SP EXCLUSIVE]
This is a column about being torn. I’m torn about a lot of things. From awesome commercials produced by despicable corporations to whether or not a cartoon family is a good role model for my children. My goal is to weigh the odds and, ultimately, explore my own fractured feelings while discovering the people, places, and things that inspire me.
Today, I want to talk about porn. I wonder about it. On the one hand, I get it: sex, boobies, wiggling body parts, sweating, moaning. All good. But isn’t there something inherently sad and lonely about the person who watches it? “I am sad and lonely, so I want to watch other people simulating a pleasant experience so that I can possibly feel a physical sensation that will ultimately only remind me of how alone I am.”
I’m realizing this is not a typically male point of view.
Come on, my guy friends say. Would you stop with the sad and lonely? That has nothing to do with it. It fulfills a need. It requires no commitment or emotion. It relieves stress. It makes me forget I have troubles. It makes me feel good. It’s fun. I need it to sleep. I need it. I don’t need it; I just like it. It’s my exercise.
Seriously? Wouldn’t you rather “exercise” with another human being? Don’t you think if you truly had something in your life that you were passionate about—your career, travels, great relationships, music, helping others, religion—that you wouldn’t need to watch a naked woman with her legs wrapped around a pole?
You’re going down the wrong road with that question, Deirdre. Porn does not replace any of those things. It enhances them. It adds a little flavor. Don’t you have something you like to do that makes you feel good? That sheds a little light onto your dark days? Something that has nothing to do with your career or helping others or any of that crap?
Well, I like to watch YouTube videos of cute little animals.
That’s good.
And I like to watch shows about spas in exotic places.
Uh-huh.
And sometimes I like to read People magazine.
That’s right, baby. And you watched Balloon Boy, didn’t you?
No!
Come on, naughty, you know you did.
Well, only for a minute.
And you liked it, didn’t you?
I was curious about it being a set up.
Yeah you were.
And I felt bad that the little boy threw up on Larry King.
Not bad enough to stop watching.
I couldn’t stop.
Don’t stop!
I can’t stop. I can’t … OK, now I feel creepy and weird.
No, you don’t.
Well, I feel like I should. Either way, those other things aren’t really pornographic.
Not in the literal definition.
The thing is, I do wonder what it means that pornography is such a huge industry, that it has been with us throughout history, that it has influenced technology and that it is, as Larry Flynt says, vital to our freedom. Maybe it’s good for us.
Now you’re talking!
But all I can think about is a doughy older man with a greasy combover sitting all alone in front of a TV with a beta max and a roll of paper towels.
So what’s the problem?
It’s gross. It’s joyless.
Don’t judge, baby.
It’s strange to me that so many people can get worked up about something they are not really involved in.
Oh, I’m involved.
I don’t mean just physically. I mean if you’re devoting so much time to something, don’t you want more of a pay off?
The money shot?
Well, a money shot for your soul.
You’re losing me.
Why do we spend so much time—and billions of dollars—on something that is empty, hollow and lifeless? What about its effect on your spirit?
Relax, baby. You’re not thinking straight. There’s no soul in porn. You’re getting carried away. Come on, now.
What do the ways we choose to distract ourselves say about us? And is porn, specifically, a distraction or a necessity?
:: Deirdre Lewis
Also, food porn you see on the food network is a definite necessity ; )
@SimplyBkuz
I agree sex is everywhere and people today use it to sell everything
was is horrific
I mean it's a fact that sex doesn't sell everything :)
I just wished that Sex stayed in the Porn industry where it belongs and has it's market, we now a days have a kind "soft porn" in movies, what pisses me off, I mean I have nothing against porn, but if I want to watch porn, I'll pick up a pornographic movie and just watch it.
I hate it that movies today are being sold with a form of "porn" implemented in them,
I mean whats the point in hiding porn when it's in normal movies today.
meaning that most people are judgmental towards the pornographic industry, when they have porn in most movies today.
ufff.....
my first real exposure to porn was watching with my boyfriend and now husband. watching it together was a way to get ideas on how to spice things up and to get off. it can enhance things and it is something we watch once in awhile. watching it doesnt make one sad and lonely. what about reading erotica? if one reads this to get off is that sad and lonely as well? sex is natural, human and healthy. people who choose to be in the porn industry are "choosing" to do so. i can understand, ones detachment from it if it is not your thing and if it makes you sad and lonely then don't watch it. if one is using porn or sex to fill a void then once your aware of the distraction or addiction then it is an opportunity to look inward....once again. i think in our society we have loads of distractions...with the invention of facebook and twitter...actual human contact may become extinct (just kidding). for me what lifts my spirit is being with my family and friends, getting lost in painting or drawing, doing the yoga and all these things are external but can bring a balance (inward) so the loneliness and sadness keep their distance. Porn is just porn and an individuals choice to watch or not. When we turn off all the technologies and distractions....all we have is our own inner thoughts....so make them kind.
Some people have touch on this but, porn is a good thing, some people would probably get in a relationship just for sex. Let's say you meet someone, you can be blinded by the curiosity of what it would be like to have sex with them then what it would be like to have a relationship with them. By satisfying these sexual urges you can make better judgments that don't hurt others or yourself. Therefore, porn is a necessity.
@Foster Until recently there was a need for as many male soldiers as possible. Therefore society through its religion would condemn any sexual act that could not produce a male child. There is no better thought than the thought of two people devoted to each other no matter the sex of each of them. I do not think two females can have sex with each other. They can massage each other but in my opinion that is not sex. Sex is intercourse between a man and a woman. Everything else is thrown in to condemn anything that gives pleasure that could not produce a male soldier. I am a widower and I know that when I was married that watching porn was wrong. I am an old man who knows that because of his age one can not expect a good climax more than once a week so if I would have had a climax while watching porn I just threw away any chance of having one with my wife that week. If one loves their mate than one should desire to have the greatest experiences with them. Maybe if I would cut myself off from porn I would therefore have to put much more effort into finding another mate. But what the hell there is so many places on the internet where porn is free, it is just too easy to watch it and not worry about all the problems of satisfying a mate.
Personally, watching cute animals on youtube and shows about spas only make me more sad and lonely. I don't have those cute animals to cuddle and I can't afford, in time or money, a spa. Boo.
Porn for me serves a utilitarian purpose. It helps me get off without all sorts of other thoughts distracting me to the point that I can't. And sometimes, that tension just needs to be released, so I can sleep, so I can work, whatever.
If it becomes an obsession that interferes with your relationships, then it's a problem. But if not, then who cares? I used to have a boyfriend who watched porn once or twice a day. Didn't bother me. Because it didn't interfere with our relationship. He didn't get any unrealistic expectations about me, nor did I of him, from watching porn. And when it came to the bedroom, he was one of the more romantic, caring individuals I've been with.
I honestly don't see what the big issue is.
In my humble opinion porn is just another thing to fill the void. When we feel empty we turn to things we think will fill the empty space. We all want to be loved and accepted, yet often feel we don't measure up and then look for ways to make 'self' feel better. On the one hand, we've been taught that sex is bad, don't look etc. by society, religion etc. and on the other hand we love being held and loved. We beat up on ourselves for being so imperfect instead of embracing 'self'. We've placed ourselves in tiny boxes that seem to just get smaller and smaller the more we allow societal dictates rule. Then we can't breath, feel or think with our true inner beings. We strangle in the confusion of it all and the restrictions. We search outside for things to fill this deep void within and thus never find it. It is searching within that will allow us to know our true selves and help us to heal this gaping hole in our spirits. Like I said, this is just my humble opinion here. :)
@ladybubblepop I agree that young ones shouldn't be exposed to porn, but 90% of TV also gives them the wrong idea about everything.. including sex.
I sell sex for a living, yet it pisses me off to no end to see the amount of sex that's used to sell every single thing out there. I do everything in my power to market my stufff ONLY to adults who want our services. Then I turn on my TV to see sex everywhere I look.
- LIFE's BIG QUESTIONS
- ATTACK A CHALLENGE
RECENTLYCHEWED ON
- What road trip do you want to take before you die?
- Eye of the Beholder
- What did you used to want desperately, but are now ambivalent about?
- "Most grown-ups forget what it was like to be a kid. I vowed that I would never forget." --Matt Groening
- What would you learn to do if you got rid of your TV?
Theres been a lot of interesting views here and damn, I'd have a lot to say to each and every one if I had the time.
Personally I don't think anyone can say porn is ________ (unhealthy, healthy, lonely, anything) because its all circumstantial. I feel like porn is always damaging to those who are exposed to it as children, and do I even need to mention those who are forced to participate in it as children. You can't deny that this happens.
And for a teenager (which may I mention, I am) it can warp your idea of sex. I know a lot of guys that watch porn, and sometimes its obvious that they are sexist and hold unrealistic views of women. As a girl I feel incredibly insecure (not uncomfortable may I mention) when I see porn of any type, even pinups. When people have posters of naked girls it basically says this is MY ideal woman... and those images are hard to measure up to. I have little faith that I could feel truly beautiful in a relationship with someone who watches porn. I feel like if that is someone's ideal I cannot live up to it and eventually that will end the relationship. I used to be self confident until my guy friends talked about watching porn in front of me. I am very close to them and it devastated me that such sweet and caring people could hold such views of what is and isn't attractive because of what they've seen.
And one more quick point. Porn is someone else's creative view of sexual pleasure. When you watch or look at 100s of other people's fantasies your ideas of what you naturally like will be muddled. Why not just use your imagination and create your own? ;]